Saying no to sex
Why say no?
There are all manner of reasons, such as:
- You aren't ready - whether it's for the first time ever or the first time with that partner.
- You don't feel well
- It isn't the right situation
- You're too drunk
- There is no protection at hand
- You're too tired
- You just don't feel like it!
It's your body: it's your decision, no-one else's. If at any point when getting intimate with someone you begin to feel uncomfortable or think things are going too far you can just say: 'no'
- 'I'm not ready'
- 'This is too soon'
- 'I don't want a sexual relationship just yet'
- 'I want to wait'
- 'I don't want to go that far'
Having said which, 'no' usually covers it.
Be clear and be firm. Tell them you're not rejecting them; it's full sex you're rejecting. Suggest other things you'd like to do instead.
If a partner is trying to get you to have sex without sufficient protection - i.e. without a condom - you have to say no. No matter how strong the urges or how sexually excited you are, you must be able to say no. The risks of pregnancy or potential Sexually Transmitted Infections are just too high and not worth taking.
Don't feel guilt
Don't feel that you are letting the other person down or that you have 'led them on'. Don't feel that it makes you a coward - far from it: it takes a degree of bravery not just to follow along with what's happening. Don't let them say it means you don't love them. Maybe you do, maybe you don't - but sex and love can be very different things. Don't 'do it' because you think all your friends have. So what if they have - though they probably haven't? You make it clear to your partner that you're going to do what feels right for you.
What do you want?
Not sure if you're doing the right thing - or if you're pushing things too far?
So ask. You don't need to make a big speech. 'Should I?' will often cover it - with a gesture